How Much Is Too Much? An Over-scheduled Kid

You know the saying that "time flies...", well I think my time boarded the Space Shuttle when I wasn't looking.  Does this mean I am having exponentially more fun? Maybe. It has been 3 months since I last posted. Writing posts has been on my To-Do list everyday since January 19th, but it somehow got pushed to the next day, the next week, and then, the next month. The reason for this was not from a lack of inspiration or content, as I have a folder of ideas for future posts. All I really can say is that life got in the way! I have two busy children, both involved in school, scouts, and swimming, not to mention birthday parties, sleepovers, and lots of homework. Our schedule revolves around these activities.  However, I am more than happy to be the party hostess, carpooler, and nightly homework checker. I am, after all, a mom.

Looking at the rainbow-colored days in my iCal, I have to ask myself, "How much is too much?".  Where do we draw the line on activities, sports, and other commitments our children have? My 10 year old daughter swims 6 evenings a week while my 8 year old son swims 4 evenings a week. They also have scouts on alternate weeks, which means someone always has a meeting to attend every week. This is their choice, not mine. Fifth grade track just started, and my daughter insisted on doing that too.   Last month, she qualified to swim in the Age Group State Championship meet. In preparation for that awesome opportunity, she swam 2+ hours each day, 6 days a week, and it was mandatory. Counting the days for meets and practices, she swam 23 out of 24 consecutive days. She missed one day because she had strep throat, which no doubt was brought on by an opportunistic bacterium combined with sheer exhaustion in the host. This meet was an experience of a lifetime for her, but it came with a cost.  She was tearful and stressed in the days leading up to the big weekend, and so was her mother. While at the State meet, I chuckled when I saw a fellow swim parent wearing a T-shirt that read "If I only had one day to live, I would spend it at a swim meet. They last forever!" By the end of the meet, she was so proud of her accomplishments and it was great to be part of the champion team. I was proud beyond words and thrilled to see her compete at that level. I was even excited to be her swim taxi. I am, after all, a mom.

So, how do other families handle kid's activities and maintain the balance of family life? I can't imagine the chaotic schedules of three or more children, like my friends. Are family dinners every night a thing of the past? It seems like sports have longer seasons and are more competitive than I remember at that age. Also, kids tend to play simultaneous sports or participate in both rec and travel leagues in the same sport.  Are kids choosing this for the love of the sport, the fun of friendly competition, or is it pressure from parents and coaches to be the best or to get that coveted college scholarship? Did you know that a young athlete has about a 0.00001% chance of being an Olympian? The odds of going pro are doubly better at 0.00002%. Having goals for children is a great thing, but unrealistic goals are detrimental to their developing psyche.  It is a known that most children who participate in sports and other activities excel in school, are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol, have a more positive self-esteem, and tend to be more successful as adults. However, all the positives of involvement in sports and other activities are negated by the pressure by parents, teachers and coaches to "do it all" and "be the best". 

Are your kids over-scheduled? Most likely they are. Mine are. This is fine because they enjoy what they are doing. I just miss the days when they were younger and life was easier in some ways.  After listening to parents in the stands at meets, in my neighborhood, and in my office, I believe that parenting is the newest competitive sport. I do not want to fall into that trap. I tell my kids it is OK to skip a practice or other activity occasionally, but at the same time I encourage them to follow through on their commitment they made to participate in a troop or on a team. There will be a day when all kids wake up and ask where their childhood went. I have to hope that when this happens to my kids, I can reply with "Time flies when you're having fun!".

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